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Magic Moments... |
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Adopted adults |
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"Being Adopted.....is a lifelong issue. Even if it doesn't haunt you, even if you have a job and a family and a good self-image, the fact that the family that you grew up with is not the family whose genetics you share never goes away" M. H. |
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Adoption today is very different from many years ago. Huge
changes have occurred. Adoption used to be a 'solution' - babies, not allowed
by society to remain with their single mothers, were given to childless
couples. Birth mothers and adoptive parents were told to 'start afresh'. Birth mothers were told to get on with their lives and forget about their baby. Adoptive parents were told that, providing they loved and provided for their adopted child, there would be no lasting emotional impact because of the adoption and a 'happy' adopted child would not have any interest in their past. Many birth mothers were not able to 'forget' - some successfully 'blocked out' the memories and painful feelings, but the wondering, maybe simply if their baby was alive or dead, never left them. Birth mothers need to be able to share their feelings surrounding the loss of their child to adoption and possibly be helped to locate and reunite with the adoptee. This "resolution", even if it is only information and not a physical meeting, can help to heal the emotional wounds left following an unresolved separation. There are also birth fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings who wish to be reunited with the (now adult) adoptee - this in many cases is now possible to do, even if the adoption took place years ago. Safeguards are built in to work at people's individual paces and to prevent relatives who committed serious abuse from reconnecting. Birth Fathers Birth Fathers often did not even know they had had children
and were rarely given the opportunity to express their opinions and feelings. Adoptive parents in the past
were sometimes made to feel that any problems that occurred were the result
of their parenting, rather than connected with adoption and the child's
feelings about having two families. The loss issues of adoptive parents, like
infertility, were often not adequately addressed and many adoptive parents do
not understand that an adoptee wishing to trace in no way reflects any
negativity about the adoptive upbringing - it is an entirely separate issue. Adoptive children and adults in the past were sometimes seen as
'disloyal' and 'ungrateful' if they questioned their history or wanted trace
their birth families. Wanting to know about your genetic and medical
background is perfectly natural and openness and questions should be
encouraged. Tracing and contact, preferably achieved with help, can reach a
better acceptance of the adoption. Knowing the truth eliminate secrets and
dispel imaginary fears. Most adoptions these days are of older children, rather than new born babies, and many have on-going contact with their birth families. Informative pre-adoption courses, modern literature, adoption self-help groups and the general awareness of adoption issues all help to ensure that, these days, everyone concerned is guided through the maze of potential pitfalls. Many children are awaiting adoptive families and although many of these children have been damaged by their past experiences, adoption can be a rewarding, if challenging, experience. Attachment Problems Living with an adoptive child with attachment problems is not easy and adoptive parents should not view asking for guidance as a failure on their part. Help and different types of therapy are available, and can be on going or infrequent, depending on the issues needing to be addressed. Nowadays the criteria for adoptive parents have changed too - providing you are able to offer a safe, secure home environment, you are able to apply to foster or adopt. Post Adoption Peer Groups for Adopted Adults You can also contact · SWAN – Helpline (0117 373 0265)
are all voluntary organisations offering a wealth of help and advice from people who have been in the same situation. SWAN Locally, SWAN offers a telephone
helpline, and one-to-one counselling. Anyone can ring that number for
confidential help, support, advice or just a sympathetic 'listening ear'. We are seeking funds to re-start our
specialist groups. Let us know
if you want to know more. . |
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